|
|
Saturday, October 22nd, 2005
| |
1:27 am
|
well what can i say, i live in san diego now. sunny california, seriously, its always sunny here. a little different than 325 days of overcast skies a year.
arizona was beautiful and i loved it but i was not even close to being able to afford to live there and go back to school. my rent was like 70% of my income. call me spoiled but i do like to eat more than once a day.
it was suggested to me by two nice young gals in cali, "why dont you just move here?" and i didnt have a good answer. so here i am, saving about $400 a month and making $4 more an hour than i was in AZ.
i work for a temp service right now. the last 3 days ive been cooking in a chinese pai gow gambling house. its nice bc i get to practice speaking chinese with the chinese cooks and its a gambling house so i get hella good tips(i live in california now so im allowed to say "hella") i actually cant handle it though, no matter how hot the pai gow card dealers are. ive worked three 8 hour shifts and have seen over a dozen things dropped on the floor and still served. its not a restaurant, its slop. i like to be proud of what i send out to customers.
my next assignment is on a navy battleship. its an event for 900 people or something. i dont know. basically, i have no idea what im doing, where im going, or whats going to happen in my immediate future. i want to sign up for some classes at the community college here until im a resident, then i can go to one of the universities almost for free. at least, thats the plan for this month.
sometimes i kind of freak out. like, what the hell just happened in the last six months of my life, sometimes i just laugh at myself and wonder how i ended up here, but, one thing i never do is regret leaving kalamazoo.
i miss my friends like crazy and i think of about 15 people everyday and hate the fact that things will never be the same. i miss having neighbors, i miss having a house, i miss knowing everyone worth knowing in the whole city, i miss the feeling that im so far from friends but am actually only a 3 hour drive away at the most.
one person will get this. im the black dog, i have no regrets. i dont know what im doing but i take solace in the fact that i am doing something.
like water...my friends
|
|
(8 comments | comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, September 27th, 2005
| |
5:24 pm - flesh and blood needs flesh and blood
|
so i have to admit, i was getting a little lonely and a little bored just coming home after work and watching an hour and a half of Full House before i fall asleep so i went online to look up bars in Scottsdale. i decided to go to The Rogue and just get a couple beers. i just wanted to be somewhere else. i sincerely enjoyed some Pabst on tap and played pool for free for a little while. i was pleased enough just listening to other peoples conversations and hearing human voices in real life and not on tv, radio, or 12 yr olds that i play xbox live with.
so im playing pool alone, theres only maybe 7 people in the place, and this girl asks me if she can play. so welcoming any attention at all i say yeah sure lets play. so she gets her boyfriend, chris, and his friend dave. diana and chris are from wisconsin and dave is from new york, he talks funny. they have all been here for about 9 to 14 months. basically we played pool for a while and i made some friends. chris and dave are hairstylists in Scottsdale and diana lives across the street from a guy that raped a girl at knife point. they are all about 31 or 32. i thought they were 25 or 26. pint glasses were broken, pool cues were stuck in ceiling fans, phone numbers were exchanged, i made some friends.
i know you are probably sick of hearing it and believe me i am sick of saying it but i am awesome. the first bar i pick at random is apparently one of the two coolest bars to hang out at and the first group of people i make a connection with are a bunch of trouble makers. hair cutting trouble makers.
also im poor. poor as shit. dont call me because my phone has been shut off. it happens when you dont pay the bill. im poor, hungry, and happy.
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, September 21st, 2005
| |
8:33 pm
|
one of those things that i laugh about for like at least 90 minutes.
i work alone except from 10:30 to 1:30 this guy mike comes and works with me cuz it gets a little busy but not really. we mostly just work on the crossword puzzle in The Arizona Republic. anyway, he was making an order of hummous and i was making something else i forgot what but all the sudden i hear, "AH SHIT!" and something hit the floor.
i said, "what'd you do.....make a mess?"
"yeah, i made a hum-mess."
come on, thats, fucking funny..
|
|
(4 comments | comment on this)
|
| Saturday, September 10th, 2005
| |
2:22 am - ninja in the desert
|
i finally made it. im proud of myself but i cant say i got here all by myself.
between moving to North Carolina, moving to South Carolina, riding my motorcycle back to Kalamazoo and then quite literally to and from every major city in the state for over a month i still cant believe how much help i got not only from people that i love but from complete strangers. the last few months have been the first time in my life where i actually had to accept help from people because i had no choice. riding up here from SC is the first time ive gone over two days without eating anything but water because i couldn’t afford it. the only reason i made it to Michigan is because of two strangers that fed me pizza and gave me $4. that was after a nice lady in Indiana gave a free motel room because it was storming.
the last four months has been the most exciting time of my life. ive never made a life altering decision on such a loosely knit set of plans. i can think of decisions i made even just a month ago and wonder, what the fuck was i thinking, but you know, you don’t need to be ridged, just flow. it always come back to Bruce for me. be water my friends. when you are, things work out eventually, somehow they always do, for me they do anyway.
so thanks and praise to about 15 people. new and old friends, people who i never even knew their names and will never see again. anyone who gave me a place to sleep, an odd job, cigarettes, let me drive their truck to AZ, money, drugs, and or alcohol. these people not only helped me get to where i want to be but gave me a different perspective on life. i mean who knows how long it will last but like i said ive never actually had to depend on other people except my parents, rarely. because of this experience all i want to do is help out anybody i can with whatever i can. i cant not give bums money anymore, i cant not put money in the cans at the gas station with pictures of little starving black kids.
like i don’t know, ive always been extremely apprehensive to believe in anything but i think i believe in karma now.
my only regret is that i left my notebook in SC when i left for MI. there were so many times i wanted to write something down but ah well.....water.
|
|
(5 comments | comment on this)
|
| Saturday, May 28th, 2005
| |
10:29 pm
|
went to a nascar race. saw more missing teeth and "git-r-done" tshirts than anyone should ever have to see. ive eaten alligator meat. my dad got fired, i didnt. i love my job but i have no friends outside of work yet. bought a motorcycle instead of a car. cant ride it til i get my liscense next weekend. i dont play guitar anymore, someone needs to bring me my amp please. ive getten high twice, drink maybe once a week. i actually work out because i have nothing better to do. i had planned on it but am realizing that i will not be making it back to kzoo at all this summer because i honestly cant afford it. got my watch fixed...yeah.
that pretty much sums up my first month in Charlotte.
|
|
(5 comments | comment on this)
|
| Friday, April 29th, 2005
| |
11:22 pm - america.
|
i found out how to make friends with factory workers from north carolina. i didnt even realize what i had done til after a few hours at the plant today. it was so obvious i cant believe i didnt think to do it my first day. its been weird being the boss' son, i could tell people like watch what they say around me but the answer was right in my closet the whole time. all you have to do is wear your Orange County Choppers shirt to work. i made like six friends today and im going to the bar with them to watch one of their bands tmw night.
im pretty excited because ill be getting wasted with people i dont know, and really, thats when im at my best.
yeah...i like it here, i just have to get some wheels and then figure out how to get at least one of the two vietnamese sisters to hang out with me.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
| |
9:18 pm
|
so there is a road here in Charlotte called Cox Rd. It has an IHOP on it. get it?
IHOP on Cox. i dont know. its been makin me smile all day.
by the way i miss you.
|
|
(3 comments | comment on this)
|
| Saturday, April 16th, 2005
| |
10:24 pm - yeah i remember when....
|
almost done packing. most of the work isnt actually packing but throwing stuff out. i found a nice handful of notes and pictures and just little things ive saved from girls ive dated over the last couple years. i can say with no anymosity towards my ex that us breaking up was the best thing that has ever happened to me. not that ive found someone better or anything like that, ive just been fortunate enough to have so many different and different kinds of relationships. im grateful for them all whether i still talk to the girl or they hate me, which if they do im sure its justified. its given me a chance to learn so much about people in general but mostly to learn more about myself. i have no regrets about anything to do with females and i think thats a good place to be.
i really havent cried or even felt sad until i found this one picture. it was taken in syracuse, NY. it used to be on the fridge at the manilow house. its me and the three greatest kids ill ever know.
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Sunday, March 27th, 2005
| |
2:46 am - Way bigger than Jesus.
|
I heard a long time ago that, at the very least, you are supposed to get something out of bad experiences. Some sort of lesson, valuable knowledge that you can pass on to others or keep for yourself. I destroyed a car and emerged unscathed.
All I've really learned from this is that I am still invincible. We both are.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
| |
9:11 pm - nothing gold can stay
|
i know its just my new found glory tattoo but the more life experience i acquire the more sense it makes to me. she was the definition of golden. i loved her, and i murdered her.
i know she was just leather and metal but you dont understand. i fell in love with her the same way people fall in love with each other. i never wanted a sports car. she just came into my life by chance. i didnt like them or guys that drove them but i turned into one of those guys so fast. i said it on almost a daily basis, "i dont have a girlfriend so i love my car." yeah its funny but i meant it too.
i went to the junk yard to get my stuff out of her. it reminded me of a funeral. for some reason i usually dont take my last look at people. i dont want my last memory of them to be so morbid. thats what i did today, i drove through the gates only seeing twisted fire apple red metal out of the corner of my eye.
she was supposed to come with me on the many adventures i have planned for the next few years of my life. shes half the reason i want to move somewhere nice. for some reason i feel like i deserved this, maybe i didnt respect her enough, maybe i didnt treat her how she deserved to be treated. maybe i deserved this, but she didnt. she didnt deserve to be mangled into a fire hydrant at about 70 mph. it was dark and i was lost. i crashed into a big yellow pole that is supposed to stop people from crashing into the hydrant and then into the hydrant itself sending it soaring about 40-45 feet from where it was once attached. i guess in case you were wondering, airbags smell really bad.
i know it could be worse, i could have hit the telephone pole that was five feet to the right but thats not helping. the only thing that makes me feel better about this is something that the guy at the yard said to me. we were talking about cars and whatnot and i said something like, yeah but i really loved this car. i was sad and he could tell. his name was jason. jason understands how it feels to love a car apparently because what he said to me was this:
"yeah but she loved you too man, you walked away from this without a scratch. she took care of you the way youve taken care of her."
yes i understand that its absolutely ridiculous to be so upset about a car but dont tell me that it was just a car. if you want to say that then you just wouldnt understand.
so now im going to chase my favorite whiskey with my favorite beer because thats what it takes for tough guys to cry about their cars.
|
|
(8 comments | comment on this)
|
| Friday, March 18th, 2005
| |
11:47 pm - The Swordfish
|
i have a few mental lists that i keep track of inside my mind in my free time. the one ive been thinking about mostly is called the awesome list. it usually has about 12-15 people on it. obviously its a list of people that i think are exceptionally awesome. not just awesome to the highest degree but also being awesome all of the time. some people have been on the list from the first time i met them, others have faded to the bottom and fallen off. theres no shame on falling off the list, life changes things sometimes. pretty much anyone who has ever been on it is somebody that i will never forget and dont plan on meeting anyone like them ever again. im not going over the list because i dont think anybody should care whether or not i think theyre awesome. that would make somebody not awesome.
i guess my point is that im leaving Michigan in about five weeks. ive had time the last couple days to actually think about all the awesome people that i, in all reality, will never ever see again. they make it hard to leave, i know kids that are awesome enough to really make me second guess myself about leaving. its not like graduating high school where everybody believes that they will still see each other and be friends. we arent naive anymore.
for however sad it makes me i am twice as happy. i really love Bruce Lee. i know, i know, but he was the smartest person to ever live.
ive had so many different relationships with people ive met here. ive learned something from and am thankful for everyone. whether it ended on good terms, bad terms or hasnt ended yet. i moved across the state to a city i havent been in since i was born. i didnt think much of it, i wing it, almost every important decision i make. everything always turns out just fine. i like to wing it. its fun. my point is that i cant help but be mostly excited to move across the country and to a bigger city. a bigger city that is so close to a handful of other cool places to hang out like Vegas, you know, "what happens here stays here." those are pretty good commercials. ive met so many awesome people here so im sure to just keep meeting tons of awesome people along the way. seriously, im like an awesome magnet or something. ultimately every relationship ends, and thats ok. im just grateful to have had them.
and if you want to know the real reason i feel that i must leave Michigan its because my car is much too beautiful and i love her way too much to let her rot away here in the salt and snow. she struggles when she starts, she likes her tires warm and windows down. shes not happy here, she deserves better.
|
|
(6 comments | comment on this)
|
| Friday, February 11th, 2005
| |
11:33 pm
|
|
ive worked such ridiculous hours for such an absurd amount of days that i cant find my normal shoes, but how would you like me to cook you a steak!
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Friday, January 21st, 2005
| |
10:31 am - for my next adventure.......
|
just got back from my last court appearance. my case was thrown out. all charges dropped.
am i pissed that i had to pay a $100 for a noise violation even though i had a permit from city hall? not really. the city received 25 complaints during my party. id say that’s pretty good since the party only lasted 2 hours. i guess i'm a little proud of that.
am i pissed that i had to pay $1500 to hire a lawyer to defend me? no, maintaining an illegal liquor establishment is probably something i don’t want on my criminal record. money well spent.
am i pissed that i had to appear in court 3 times, turn myself in, get fingerprinted, and treated like a criminal? yes, but not mostly.
mostly i’m pissed about 2 things.
first, my case was thrown out, the cops obviously had no right to bust up my shit. it was so disappointing. it was a pretty rockin party if i do say so myself.
the second. it was a feeling i got while i was talking to the police. i never felt so blindly enraged paired with not being allowed to speak. every time a sound comes out of your mouth the cops attitude grows exponentially to a much higher level of piggishness. if you talk like 3 times all you can really hear is "oink oink, weeee weeee!" i will admit that in some ways i do respect them but cops are motherfuckers. goddam son of a bitch motherfuckers. they are so big and i am so small, and they love it. all they want is for you to completely explain yourself. that’s when its time for them to put on their boots and bark at you.
current mood: quick, like a bunny!
current music: NWA - straight outta compton
|
|
(5 comments | comment on this)
|
| Monday, December 6th, 2004
| |
8:01 pm - wo bu xihuan xue zhongwen
|
ive never failed a test so bad in my life. i had my Chinese final today. i didn’t study for it at all. i could have but i slept instead. this lifestyle is catching up with me so fast and in such a bad way. id say i should change things, i know i could, but i know and anyone that actually knows me knows that i wont. i wont even try.
my test was out of 200 points. not exaggerating, i probably got 10 out of 200 points. i was basically just writing stuff down, knowing it was wrong, just so that i didn’t hand in a blank test. it was still half blank. i know i kind of care, or maybe i just know that im supposed to care, but im mostly just happy i don’t have to go back for 3 weeks. the funny thing is that its actually my favorite class, but its the first thing ive ever had to really try to learn instead of just knowing it.
ive always been lucky enough to be good at school without trying. without trying at all, and that made school fun and easy. i really like being smarter than the kids who have to try. its not like that in Chinese. i have to try along with everyone else and i don’t know how to. all i know how to do is be cool, drink, play video games, and cook.
i really want to join the army. i really really want to join the army. you wouldn’t think so but i do, i really do. im getting so amazingly bored with this life. living off my parents, half-assing my way through life. i want to learn how to survive, i want to live in the jungle with a knife and a gun.
im not even sure where this is coming from, maybe ive just been living in George Bush's America for too long. but maybe, maybe i just think that life is too easy for upper middle class Americans. we are spoiled as fuck. im a white male, ill have a college degree, my parents have money. the absolute worst i can do in life is going to be pretty damn good. something about that bothers me.
our only problems are emotional problems, we are fucking babies. whining little babies. we've never had to go hungry, we've never had to use our animal instincts other than sex.
im jealous. im jealous of every tribe in Africa that makes canoes out of 80 foot trees and raises pigs. im jealous of native Americans that died defending their own land. im jealous of pirates that rob ships and shainghai men. im jealous of those crazy people from somewhere in central America that beat the shit out of each other in the streets once a year to please the gods.
i want civilization to fall apart. i want to know if i can face challenges besides memorizing words in books.
|
|
(5 comments | comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, December 1st, 2004
| |
9:15 pm
|
breaking a guitar string kind of sucks but its kind of awesome.
its the closest to being a rock star ill ever get, and thats good enough for me.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
8:17 pm - poetry
|
sometimes i think i want a girlfriend,
thats when i drink til i cant feel feelings anymore.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, November 22nd, 2004
| |
2:14 am - scary?
|
|
| Monday, November 15th, 2004
| |
8:45 pm - shit.....shit
|
this morning my car wouldnt start. it needs a new battery, hopefully. if i didnt know shayne, id have worse luck with cars than anybody i know.
so after walking home from class, which i forgot to do my homework in, i decided to shave. i accidentally shaved my sideburns off. well i actually just kept fucking them up over and over until they were pretty much gone. i havent shaved them off since i could grow them. i dont recognize myself in the mirror. if anybody wants to know what i looked like in 8th grade seek me out within the next few days.
other than that, im not going to jail and probably wont even get probation, but maybe probation. im really excited to not go to jail. i have a tattoo of a womens lips on my ass. im pretty sure id get raped often. plus im just pretty sexy anyways.
anyways.....shit.
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, November 9th, 2004
| |
8:18 pm - City of Kalamazoo v Nicholas Adam McMarlin
|
(Office of the City Attorney)
Dear Mr. McMarlin:
You have been charged with Maintaining an Illegal Liquor Establishment. The maximum sentence for this offense is a fine up to $500, jail up to 90 days and/or probation up to 2 years.
(Kalamazoo Public Safety)
Dear Nicholas MCMarlin
As a result of an alleged criminal violation involving you, a WARRANT FOR YOUR ARREST has been issued by the court.
....yes, "warrant for your arrest" really was in a caps. ahhh...good times. seriously, who wants to live their whole life without ever having a mugshot taken and fingers printed anyway? hope my baby's momma can handle things while im locked up.
|
|
(4 comments | comment on this)
|
| Monday, October 25th, 2004
| |
6:38 pm - hi
|
|
im having a block party. i rented a port o crapper. everyones invited. theres going to be some music.
|
|
(4 comments | comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
chineseboxing's journal
